“Mind & Body”
by
Barbara Joseph, RN, MFT

Grief and Its Long Term Effects

Since 9/11, we have suffered more loss in our lives. Perhaps, we lost our dearly loved pet, a friend of many years, a relationship, a parent, a job, a home, our keys, our checkbook or our favorite piece of jewelry. It doesn’t matter what or who has been lost, loss happens many times to us in our lifetime. How often do we stop and deal with the loss? The demands of life pull us back from our grief until we have an overwhelming storage of grief. How does one know when the grief is overwhelming, too much, too painful and everywhere? And what does one do with this grief and still function day to day?

Frank’s friend, Tom, of 20 years was a stock trader in the World Trade Center in New York on 9/11/01. Even though Frank lived in Los Angeles now, he talked to Tom every day and last saw Tom a year before he died on 9/11. Frank felt totally helpless, here in L.A. and having lost his dear friend. Frank is a self-employed karate instructor with a very successful business. Frank was not able to fly to NewYork to grieve with family and friends as he had to be responsible and continue to run his business. Frank put his head down and kept going.

A year later, Frank and his business partner of many years were going their separate ways-another big loss. It was that this point that Frank entered psychotherapy with me and I saw him once a week for a year. There in therapy, Frank learned the tools to deal with grief, his anger (a manifestation of his grief), his depression and overwhelming grief. He went to NewYork for a memorial for Tom, a year after 9/11, and was able to grieve with friends and family. After letting his anger out, in the safety of our therapy sessions, Frank was able to build his own clientele for his own karate business and has been very successful. Frank still has times of sadness, anger and feelings of loss but those times are less overwhelming and the tools are in place to continue to lessen the grief and to deal with the daily losses in his life.

Check in with yourself; if you are having difficulty sleeping, concentrating, difficulty staying focused on tasks, or are tearful over things you may label as minor. Ask yourself…Is this the anniversary time of a loss? How many things have I lost in the past 1-2 years and just kept going?

There are other ways to deal with grief and loss by talking to supportive friends and family when you may be feeling sad and don’t know why. There are support groups for grief and loss. You can see a therapist for a while to get the tools for how to deal with grief and loss. You can acknowledge the anniversary of the loss by a ritual either alone or with others. You can take a day off work and just pamper yourself. And remember to always get enough sleep, exercise, have time for fun, AND time for yourself separate from the demands of your busy life.

Feel free to email me your questions...after all...that is what I do. Help people find answers.

Email your questions/comments to: Barbara@the-ddic.com